Wednesday, July 16, 2008 (7:25:00 PM)
My emotions , My world
well i suppose nobody can comprehend how heavy and deep I feel now ...
before reading this , I'd like to say that these are all words from my heart and how I'm really feeling right now . Maybe you've seen this in the television dramas before . I never thought this would happen to me .. please , just look at me for now ..
recently , I've grew fond of this very special somebody . How I wished and prayed , but I knew what I had in mind . The song that is playing right now , don't stop it . Its about somebody who once fell in love with a girl . But he missed it , his opportunities . Now , they've lost contact and reminiscing about his love , thats the feeling I am feeling now . The spilled coffee will be dried up . Tears will grow stale . I know what I dream and aspire to be . The feeling of wanting to stand by you when you need me , to share the joy and the tears . This hunger has took my love for God away . You have become an idol for me . But if things were different , I wouldn't mind at all . But God didn't let things happen this way ; at least .. not for me .
Seeing you smile makes me grin inevitably . Hearing that you did well , I prayed all the more harder . Nothing else mattered to me . The anguish nights after nights with thoughts . I couldn't get to sleep . Sometimes , your the reason I'm late . Sometimes , your the reason I skip my meals because I have no appetite . To put it simply , I long to be someone who you can trust and lean on . But what I have in mind , the thoughts that made me sleepless nights after nights are far more profound than this. Who , of my age would be able to understand this ? Only those who had been through this would know . My dream was to go to Korea after my poly diploma and army . It was my dream , my ambition . I used to not have any until I sought after it and found my buried talents . My dream , was to go to Korea and learn music there and become a member of a popular boy band someday . But the thoughts in my mind were about making a certain decision . One that would compromise my dream , my all . I wanted to tell you how I feel , but I can't . Why do I start a relationship ? I start one with someone whom I love because I am preparing to marry her . If I had a choice , I'd rather compromise my dream and my all just to stand by you . But I cannot . I can never be so selfish . I know that what I earn can never give you a luxurious life , one that you can enjoy . If I had another chance I would strive so hard just to do well enough to at least get a well paying job to support our family . But I am not good enough . I'd rather see you be happy with another man than making you toll day and night with me and suffer . I'd be making big bucks if I were a popular singer . But you must have either forgotten about me or got married by then . I can't bring you there with me because it is an unfamiliar land to you . Even if you didn't mind . I can't be as selfish as to ditch you for my own ambition if I were to go after you now . I can't bear to ditch you , I can't . I'd be willing to marry you 70 years old , if I had the chance . But I know , its impossible . I'd be praying .
after all , looks like i'm not that godly after all ..
i'm sorry God .
please tell me little lie
loud enough that i can hear you ..
